Jan. 4th, 2011

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What do you do when anything you do will escalate a situation that is already quite bad?

What happens when you need some kind of closure on something increasingly traumatic?

Where does the frustration of someone not in control of where their emotions take them ground itself?

What do you do if you can see patterns of circumstance past, present and future even when you close your eye?

How badly are you coping if this blots out other traumatic memories that have haunted you for years?

As you look back on the ruins of your efforts to deal with a problem informally, all you can ask yourself is what is so wrong with you that you are so inept at communication?

What should you think about people who you feel your respect for slipping every day you're left without responses?

Why does trouble always center on you?

Why does having a mental health problem make you, 'emotional', and even if you are, how exactly does that detract from the words you're saying?
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This is absolute torture to go through and I keep thinking it's all my fault, that I'm the one who screwed-up, that I deserve this. I'd probably have or be contemplating self-harm, but I'm off for my first appointment with Charing Cross's gender clinic on Friday and having fresh cut on my arm doesn't exactly portray the kind of stability they'll be looking for.

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johanna_alice

May 2014

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