Jun. 28th, 2011

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All is silent. I know there's a world out there with people and causes and so much more, but in here all is silent and almost still. I'm not engaging with realist very well and that's not set to change too much in the immediate future. There are any number of things I could be doing but it all seems pointless for oh-so-many reasons that I can't find effective arguments against.

I suppose feeling that I was right, that my values are good and yet being excluded anyway has knocked me back a lot. Yet what can I do? I'm not a person who can sit idly by whilst stuff they feel strongly against happens around them. I had to do something and no one else was visibly doing anything. I say visibly because I also thing such things should be addressed openly, not behind closed doors. I also don't hold with separative-politics. That's the lesson I've learnt here. Yes, I could have continued, could have had meeting all by myself with the focus on me and my ideas. But the more I think of it, the more I know I was right to refuse, because not only am I disconnected from my community and therefore starved of information, but the more it would look like favoritism and my getting 'special treatment'. I don't want special-treatment.

I want to feel safe.
Read more... )

Think I'm officially declaring burn-out, can'tbebotheredanymoreitus, that I can't always stand alone and that I've had enough of feeling frustrated, distressed and upset now.

It's fair to say I hate being wrong. Turns out I like being right even less though. Told you the only victory here would be prryhic.

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johanna_alice

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